After a very long time I'm writing on this blog and I have to say I never saw that much of cringe as in my 5 years old posts.
Dang, how much can one change during 5 years? I think a lot, if they wants. Or if it's super necessary because of circumstances.
A lot of shits and bullshits happened with me from my last post on here. Some of them were nicer, some of them were not nice.
Lots of changes occured.
One of changes, big changes, which were happening during the time is, that I went greatly enthusiastic about UFC. Which is fighting organization, for those who might come across this tale and wouldn't know. Or you know what, find it on a Google.
I was always excited about combats, whether it was historical battling with cold weapons, or martial arts where your weapon is your own body, or shooting guns or archery or crossbow.
Unfortunately, if you're daughter of losers, you will never be raised to achieve anything in your life, unless you're brave enough to fuck up. Which I wasn't at all. And if I by a chance tried to be brave and fuck up, it backfired big time. Always.
Anyway.
So, why the shit, my blog was on freeze for so long, and why it will be again after posting this crap?
Because, my lads, every time I start with something, I lose my energy and elan and my cat will start wailing and my focus goes off and blah.
Which is what's happening right now. Without the cat thing. I got fuckingly tired and all my energy and ideas and shits are flooding away from me. Why? I don't know exactly. I might have some clues but, I don't know.
I have a lot of to say and express my ass about a lot of things but I just can't.
Technically, I can. Practically, I cannot.
So, let me just say my regards and maybe once in future good bye.
R.
20/12/2023
after all this time?
04/08/2018
Like SGZ
I just ended watching Titanic. I just saw @SUGIZOofficial
post about his helping.
14 days ago I tried to commit suicide. I do not regret that, I am telling this, because I understood lot of things after that.
Until I saw myself in dark place, something important happened. I was born again. I gave birth to myself.
I was so powerless, like children. Before somebody ask me, what kind of suicide I did; I swallowed my psychiatric medicine pills.
I was on ICU for two days, on psychiatric hospital about 14 days +-
I had good and bad moments. But suddenly I felt strong.
I am one day at home. Unfortunately, I'm wasting my time before computer again. But not for long.
I promised to myself, I won't play games anymore and it really starting to bore me.
I don't want to waste my time with computer anymore. I don't want to feel bad all the time and commit suicides when bad. I don't want to live between life and hell of my own mind. I don't want to be ruin, poor thing who is almost each month in psychiatric hospital between druggers, alcoholics, schizophrenic, manic people.
I wanna live my own life, without depressions, bad energies, without tears I can't cry out. Without pills with artifical serotonin hormon.
In hospital, I had a lot of "fans". I was so surprised how they liked me. (out of one bittered woman).
One of them gave me hope to do what I like.
And when I saw Titanic (maybe 6th time), especially that breathtaking end - and I don't really mean this "romantic love" between Jack and Rose - I think, I understood Life and how rare it is and how easy is to loose life.
Then I accidentally opened my twitter account and Sugizo's post hitted me to my eyes like first. He is famous, known, but he took working clothes and went between usual people to help with cleaning flooded places. By his bare hands. Yoshiki donated this place by 10, 000, 000 YEN. It's JUST 87 000 USD. 1 966 000 CZK. What a precious gift from that famous man!
In my country is seweral 2M CZK like nothing. You can buy little renovated flat with most necessarry equipment. You can buy new kitchen, set of furniture. I doubt in Japan is 10 000 000 YEN something better. What they can buy? How long it suffices?
My opinion is that Sugizo's personal help is more useful, than Yoshiki's riddiculous amount.
Yoshiki said "nothing is impossible" and I believe this sentence. But I don't believe Yoshiki at all. He broke all he made. X Japan faded away long time ago. Each member has own life and carreer. X Japan became to be just masquerade for blinded fans. It's sad new, but not unwaited and surprising thing...
But leave my "hater" (dissapointed more) talks about Yoshiki.
Thanks to this all happened, I understood one big thing.
Life is just presence.
Life is yours.
Life doesn't mean donate by money, but go and help by self.
And don't be sure you are not able.
You are strong enough to save yourself.
You are strong enough to help anyone, starting with yourself, ending with thousnad people around you.
Help yourself and heal your life with love.
And be thankfull for all you have.
Thank my roommates in hospital.
Thank you, Titanic.
Thank you, Sugizo.
EDV
I'm sorry for being unclear.
14 days ago I tried to commit suicide. I do not regret that, I am telling this, because I understood lot of things after that.
Until I saw myself in dark place, something important happened. I was born again. I gave birth to myself.
I was so powerless, like children. Before somebody ask me, what kind of suicide I did; I swallowed my psychiatric medicine pills.
I was on ICU for two days, on psychiatric hospital about 14 days +-
I had good and bad moments. But suddenly I felt strong.
I am one day at home. Unfortunately, I'm wasting my time before computer again. But not for long.
I promised to myself, I won't play games anymore and it really starting to bore me.
I don't want to waste my time with computer anymore. I don't want to feel bad all the time and commit suicides when bad. I don't want to live between life and hell of my own mind. I don't want to be ruin, poor thing who is almost each month in psychiatric hospital between druggers, alcoholics, schizophrenic, manic people.
I wanna live my own life, without depressions, bad energies, without tears I can't cry out. Without pills with artifical serotonin hormon.
In hospital, I had a lot of "fans". I was so surprised how they liked me. (out of one bittered woman).
One of them gave me hope to do what I like.
And when I saw Titanic (maybe 6th time), especially that breathtaking end - and I don't really mean this "romantic love" between Jack and Rose - I think, I understood Life and how rare it is and how easy is to loose life.
Then I accidentally opened my twitter account and Sugizo's post hitted me to my eyes like first. He is famous, known, but he took working clothes and went between usual people to help with cleaning flooded places. By his bare hands. Yoshiki donated this place by 10, 000, 000 YEN. It's JUST 87 000 USD. 1 966 000 CZK. What a precious gift from that famous man!
In my country is seweral 2M CZK like nothing. You can buy little renovated flat with most necessarry equipment. You can buy new kitchen, set of furniture. I doubt in Japan is 10 000 000 YEN something better. What they can buy? How long it suffices?
My opinion is that Sugizo's personal help is more useful, than Yoshiki's riddiculous amount.
Yoshiki said "nothing is impossible" and I believe this sentence. But I don't believe Yoshiki at all. He broke all he made. X Japan faded away long time ago. Each member has own life and carreer. X Japan became to be just masquerade for blinded fans. It's sad new, but not unwaited and surprising thing...
But leave my "hater" (dissapointed more) talks about Yoshiki.
Thanks to this all happened, I understood one big thing.
Life is just presence.
Life is yours.
Life doesn't mean donate by money, but go and help by self.
And don't be sure you are not able.
You are strong enough to save yourself.
You are strong enough to help anyone, starting with yourself, ending with thousnad people around you.
Help yourself and heal your life with love.
And be thankfull for all you have.
Thank my roommates in hospital.
Thank you, Titanic.
Thank you, Sugizo.
EDV
I'm sorry for being unclear.
02/07/2018
Against All Odds - part I.
Story for my foxie. 💕
Hide's shoulders were always to bite. Meer couldn't stop to watch him, when he sat in dress room and tuned up his guitar. His fast fingers caressed strings and his red-pink backcombed hair flied gently to rythm.
Meer just wished to touch them, his fingers, his cute shoulders, hold his hands. Always, when he looked at her, and their eyes met, she felt like she would fall into abyss of Space.
She desired for litle more attention, but Hide was just polite and friendly to her.
Meer was melted every time when she heard his sweet voice and her heart beated stronger. He used nice, spiced parfum and when she smelt that mix of it and his own smell and air and together with smoke of cigarettes, she felt weak.
Unfortunately, she was staff of Yoshiki, leader of band and she met Hide sporadic. What was wrong, that Yoshiki "sat down" right on Meer. She did everything bad. He could rip to find any mistake on her work. Pata, Toshi and Heath, handsome young newbie on bass, tried to calm him, but it hadn't sense.
Meer would go away, but she didn't want to leave and never see Hide. "So, why you just don't ask him to go somewhere?" asked Meer Sofia, one of Hide's (lucky) staff. "He's nice person, he won't deny you."
Meer blushed, when she heard Sofia's words. She wanted to answer, but suddenly, from somewhere, appeard Pata and touched Sofia's arms from behind. She startled and teared with shoulder. "You're true, Hide won't deny her, like you denying me..." muttered to Sofia's ear.
"Eeeh, leave me alone, drunkard..." Sofia moved with hand and pulled Pata from herself, without any look. She felt his chest hair under her palm and little sweated, but soft skin and it made her feeling hot, but she just shooked her head to focus back to theme.
Pata only frowned dissapointed and dissapeared. "You likes him." said Meer silently. "Who, Pata?" laughed Sofia shortly. "No..." smirked like disgusted. "He stalks you all the time." noticed Meer. "He's drunk head... Look how much whiskey he drink every day. And how much he smokes." Sofia let Meer to go away from hot theme named Hide.
But just for a while.
"So, leave Pata be Pata... Eh, what did I say? Yes, Hide. He won't deny you if you ask him if he wouldn't go with you anywhere." Meer had bad luck. Sofia came back to convincing her about Hide's nice personality. "Look I know him. I am in contact with him almost every day - when I am not trying to hide me before Pata's pry eyes and fingers - and I can sure you, that Hide is really nice boy!"
Meer felt how her cheeks burning, and decided to use Karma to Sofia. "Why you ran from Pata, actually? He's handsome." smiled she slyly. "Ew, must we really talk about that hairy chubby drunkard?" Sofia smirked really disgusted. "But you like him, admit it. I noticed how you watching him until he won't go near to you." Meer acquired her stability again.
She liked Sofia, she always looked nice and decently, womanly clothed. Meer wasn't surprise, that Pata is mad from her. He lost his head for Sofia from first time when he saw her. First he tried to hide it, but when he was drunk, each barriers fell off and he was like crazy.
Everybody made jokes from him, but still supported him either.
"Look, here's Sofia going." muttered at half mouth Heath, standing beside Pata. Pata looked tired and asleep, but when he heard Heath's silky voice and name 'Sofia', he just woke up.
"Hm, she's with that busty girl who likes Hide." added Heath. "So good looking girl."
"She's staff in Yoshiki's team." muttered Pata with sleepy voice. "I know. How she calls? Maira? Myra?"
"Meer." growled him into ear Hide, which appeard from nowhere, twas his speciality.
"Oh, you remember well her name?" Heath was surprised and looked at his redhaired friend and colleague. "It's not so difficult..." muttered Hide and burned cigarette himself.
Heath shrugged with shoulders. "I am not in love with her, so I can don't remember her name well." said calmly.
"Shut up, Hiroshi." Hide smirked and blew smoke out and looked at these two girls Heat told about.
"She's real woman." muttered, when he watched Meer's body. "Look at her beautiful hair." whispered. "Yes, she's pretty." sighed Heath and took cigarette too. Rather. "Where's Pata?"
Heath looked around, but he didn't see him anywhere. "Talking with Sofia..." said Hide negligently. "Ah, poor Pata. He is mad after her and she does cold." shooked with head and then he leaved Heath and went slowly to Meer, which stood helpless, when Pata just grabbed Sofia's hand with words "we have to talk!" and pulled her away uncompromisingly.
Hide's shoulders were always to bite. Meer couldn't stop to watch him, when he sat in dress room and tuned up his guitar. His fast fingers caressed strings and his red-pink backcombed hair flied gently to rythm.
Meer just wished to touch them, his fingers, his cute shoulders, hold his hands. Always, when he looked at her, and their eyes met, she felt like she would fall into abyss of Space.
She desired for litle more attention, but Hide was just polite and friendly to her.
Meer was melted every time when she heard his sweet voice and her heart beated stronger. He used nice, spiced parfum and when she smelt that mix of it and his own smell and air and together with smoke of cigarettes, she felt weak.
Unfortunately, she was staff of Yoshiki, leader of band and she met Hide sporadic. What was wrong, that Yoshiki "sat down" right on Meer. She did everything bad. He could rip to find any mistake on her work. Pata, Toshi and Heath, handsome young newbie on bass, tried to calm him, but it hadn't sense.
Meer would go away, but she didn't want to leave and never see Hide. "So, why you just don't ask him to go somewhere?" asked Meer Sofia, one of Hide's (lucky) staff. "He's nice person, he won't deny you."
Meer blushed, when she heard Sofia's words. She wanted to answer, but suddenly, from somewhere, appeard Pata and touched Sofia's arms from behind. She startled and teared with shoulder. "You're true, Hide won't deny her, like you denying me..." muttered to Sofia's ear.
"Eeeh, leave me alone, drunkard..." Sofia moved with hand and pulled Pata from herself, without any look. She felt his chest hair under her palm and little sweated, but soft skin and it made her feeling hot, but she just shooked her head to focus back to theme.
Pata only frowned dissapointed and dissapeared. "You likes him." said Meer silently. "Who, Pata?" laughed Sofia shortly. "No..." smirked like disgusted. "He stalks you all the time." noticed Meer. "He's drunk head... Look how much whiskey he drink every day. And how much he smokes." Sofia let Meer to go away from hot theme named Hide.
But just for a while.
"So, leave Pata be Pata... Eh, what did I say? Yes, Hide. He won't deny you if you ask him if he wouldn't go with you anywhere." Meer had bad luck. Sofia came back to convincing her about Hide's nice personality. "Look I know him. I am in contact with him almost every day - when I am not trying to hide me before Pata's pry eyes and fingers - and I can sure you, that Hide is really nice boy!"
Meer felt how her cheeks burning, and decided to use Karma to Sofia. "Why you ran from Pata, actually? He's handsome." smiled she slyly. "Ew, must we really talk about that hairy chubby drunkard?" Sofia smirked really disgusted. "But you like him, admit it. I noticed how you watching him until he won't go near to you." Meer acquired her stability again.
She liked Sofia, she always looked nice and decently, womanly clothed. Meer wasn't surprise, that Pata is mad from her. He lost his head for Sofia from first time when he saw her. First he tried to hide it, but when he was drunk, each barriers fell off and he was like crazy.
Everybody made jokes from him, but still supported him either.
"Look, here's Sofia going." muttered at half mouth Heath, standing beside Pata. Pata looked tired and asleep, but when he heard Heath's silky voice and name 'Sofia', he just woke up.
"Hm, she's with that busty girl who likes Hide." added Heath. "So good looking girl."
"She's staff in Yoshiki's team." muttered Pata with sleepy voice. "I know. How she calls? Maira? Myra?"
"Meer." growled him into ear Hide, which appeard from nowhere, twas his speciality.
"Oh, you remember well her name?" Heath was surprised and looked at his redhaired friend and colleague. "It's not so difficult..." muttered Hide and burned cigarette himself.
Heath shrugged with shoulders. "I am not in love with her, so I can don't remember her name well." said calmly.
"Shut up, Hiroshi." Hide smirked and blew smoke out and looked at these two girls Heat told about.
"She's real woman." muttered, when he watched Meer's body. "Look at her beautiful hair." whispered. "Yes, she's pretty." sighed Heath and took cigarette too. Rather. "Where's Pata?"
Heath looked around, but he didn't see him anywhere. "Talking with Sofia..." said Hide negligently. "Ah, poor Pata. He is mad after her and she does cold." shooked with head and then he leaved Heath and went slowly to Meer, which stood helpless, when Pata just grabbed Sofia's hand with words "we have to talk!" and pulled her away uncompromisingly.
04/04/2017
WHY I LOVE PATA
I was too shalow to him. But it was too many years ago. Now my heart burning just for him. I can't say why. Maybe because he looks like cat and I adore cats very much. xD
But... does Love need a reason?
I knew X-Japan rock band, when I was nineteen. I was person, who was able listen just one band. It starts with German band Cinema Bizarre. And Versailles poster, lol. After Versailles era I had, I started listen X-Japan and KISS. This two bands were LIFE for my hurted heart. But I really had era, when I couldn't X-Japan even see. The last era was last year. After break up with my then boyfriend, catched me another guy and we listened just melodic black metal. I was very unsure and my psyche was broken. So, he broked me all the time...
In June 2016 I came back to X-japan. I don't know why. So, I founded news about them and when I found out, that PATA was in life threat in March 2016... I though I will crazy. It was too from one reason, which I don't wanna to say here. And I am still afraid of him and my only one wish is to protect him. Maybe is well, I found it out after half year from time it happened, because last March I'd be able to commit suicide; I had very, very dark time... Although... I am still ready to die for him. I love my life, I am grateful I can be here and listen his guitar 💖 ... But if it will be in need, I'll die. My life is his life. And if he will die, I will die too. I don't want to be alive without his existencion in this place. X-Japan never will be X-Japan without PATA....
And other reason why I love him is just "father complex" ... I had very bad relation with my father. He was alcoholic, psychical terrorist... and did very untastable thing to my elder sister when she was little child... It's well, he gone... For this Earth...
PATA looks like him a bit, but PATA is STILL more pretty and cute!!! And I think.. He is very kind and calmful. He looks like that. And although he could be my father by age... I love him. I'm burning from and for him. I flied to Wembley just for PATA. Ok, even for Heath and Toshi a bit... But PATA was the bigger reason. I looked at him all concert, if he is alright.
And finally... I don't know if it wasn't just fortuity... but when concert ended and Pata walked away from podium, i screamed as loud as I could "PATA!!!" and he turned again and wawed that way...
So... It's reasons why I love him, but thats are just ... lookeble reasons. Otherwise I really don't know, WHY JUST HE.
I love, very love song "So Far" from him... Tones of strings he made with his fingers at his guitar... Shaking with my heart from first time I heard it... Yes, you are SO FAR... But I love you. Forever.
If someone in borderline personal disorders is able to loving someone forever....
I love you, PATA.
Eirun De Virot
25/03/2017
Faith II.
Becca confusedly looked from Saab to Heath. But when she saw Heath's red faces, she though, that Heath blushed from Saab's beautiful greyblue eyes. She rejoiced, because she though, there are chance for them. Never occured her, that Heath would be looked after her. She was about 22 years younger, than she was, so she never though about him, although she liked him very much. She was just friendly with them and because she had big charisma, every members from X liked her. Pata's behavior to her was very fatherly and Sugizo's too. Yoshiki took her like faithful person and something he confided her about his feelings. Toshi was friendly too, still did some word jokes with her, so she still laughed. Just Heath was little deatched, although he liked her more than just like friend. He wasn't in love with her completely, but when he met her, his hand was shaking a bit and didn't knew where to look. And little blushed, when she looked at him. It's necesarry to say, Becca had very big, bewitched, dark grey eyes and used black eyeshadows very often, so her eyes seemed to be larger and more significant.
Becca was careful girl and tried to help anybody. She always repaired all mistakes from Kai, who was still very shy, nervous and unsure. Peter still laughing to him and his behavior to him wasn't very humanity. Joseph, native Texan, was more friendly to Kai, because he was eldest and sane. He was almost the same old as X members, had robust figure and robust humour. Joseph worked like electric mechanic with Peter and made constructions for reflectors and cameras too.
Joseph tried to calm Peter still, because he did more problems, than utilities. Although he was bitched from Sugizo, which Peter destructed cable from electric violin, because Peter turned on at higher volts than should been.
Peter still watched Becca and tried to broke her will in denial. She didn't care about him, because he still bothered her with sexual innuendos and tried to touch her butt.
She has very patient with him, but every goblet once run over.
Once Yoshiki gave instruction to Becca, but Peter said, she can't have to do this. "Yoshiki said me that." shruggled with shoulders with freeze in voice. "But I said, you cannot do it!" turned his voice higher Peter. "I'm listening just my boss and this is Yoshiki, not you." said Becca, still in calm. "But I am at higher position than you."
"Who says that?" asked Becca, but Peter didn't reacted at her question. Oppositely, he turned his voice up and shouted at her, she can do listen him and when he said, she cannot do this, she has to listen. "Don't shout at me like that!" said Becca with warning voice. But it didn't work and Peter shouted at her more. "What do you think about you, you frigid bitch!" screamed at her loud and next things like that. "I said don't shout at me!" turned her volume up too. But Peter was pissed of and didn't stop.
Suddenly flied Yoshiki to the doors and shouted "What's going on here?!"
"Nothing. Just this one stupid bastard think, he's more than my boss." said Becca and explained him, what happened. Yoshiki was pissed off and he yelled Peter on three times. And warned him, he could got fire. Peter was coward too, and when Yoshiki shouted, he was silent, because when sometimes tried to be freecoolin at Yoshiki, Yoshiki was raving mad.
Becca let them solve this problem and left. She really needed to do Yoshiki's instructions, because it burned.
Yoshiki came soon, still angry, but not so much like before. "This shitted bastard!" muttered through clenched teeth. "He is" agreed Becca and told him about all, what Peter did. "Promise me, you'll always say me, when this one will be bother you, okay?"
Becca noded and Yoshiki did his legendary bigh teeth smile.
Two weeks later were X some concert, in outdoor space, and it was necessary to build construction. Becca went around and watched Joseph, how he works. Podium and next things were almost made, remained to do some adjustments. Here were even Peter and Kai, because worked at lights and electric. Becca called at Joseph and laughed. "Honey, could me bring screwdiver 16 and wrench? I forgot them down." pleasd Joseph suddenly. "So, if you're not afraid of highes." "No, I don't." laughed Becca and climbed up to Joseph with that things. She felt strange a bit, when construction jumped under her a bit. She climbed at one of horizontal traverse to ladder. Suddenly joint of traverses under her gritted and bolted felt down. Becca screamed, but not with dread from this, what happened to her. She holded very fixly at spaces with both hands and feet.
Heath wanted to look, where they'll play at night, but he was out of mind again, when he stayed at the podium. So he couldn't hear Becca's scream. "HEATH!!!"
Reflector bolted to traverse, where was Becca, felt down with second traverse and traverse felt right at Heath's chest and mashed him to the ground. Heath shouted a bit, but wasn't able to catch back. "HEATH!!!! NO!!!" screamed Becca hysterically and jumped down from inclided traverse. In her left ankle cropped, but she didn't care and ran to Heath. "Oh my god, Heath!!! ..." She wanted to call ambulance, but found out, her phone felt down from her pocket and broke. Fortunately, she noticed Sugizo. "SUGIZO!!! SUGIZO!!! COME ON!!! HURRY!!! HEATH!!!!" screamed Becca. Sugizo startled and ran itno them. He noticed, what's with Heath and called ambullance. Becca cried, holded Heath's hand and carried his face. "It's will be okay, Heath, you will be alright... Please, don't die..." tried to calm him, because he was scared and tried to breathe. But his ribs were broken and one from this pinned him lung. He could have a big hurts, but was very strong and still looked Becca, which still carried his hair and face. "It's okay, Becca." wheezed and squeezed his hand faintly.
Yoshiki noticed, that something happened and when he founout, what, though, he'll be mad at the while. "Heath! What's with him??? Heath!" Yoshiki started to cry and ran to his friend. Toshi and Pata ran soon after Yoshiki. Joseph, white as wall, climbed down and told them what happened. Yoshiki screamed at him, that Becca shouldn't what to do up and shaked with nerves and fear. Ambullance was hurry and after they took off traverse from Heath's chest, gave him infusion and fixed him to lougner.
Becca lifted up, still holded Heath's hand, and cried. "Hi~Su.." whispered when his fingers slipped out from her palm. Then she had nervous breakdown. Cried hysterically and told, she would kill him and if he die, she won't be alive too. Pata took her from the ground, where she kneeling and led her away. She shaked as aspen and was pale as Death and couldn't stop tears. Yoshiki was the same and wanted go to hospital right now. Toshi was shocked too, but he was able to drive a car, so he took Yoshiki and Sugizo and went to hospital.
Pata tried Becca to calm, but she couldn't stop shaking and crying. Pata holded her in her arms and carred her hair. He had tears in his eyes too, but when he saw, Becca is worse than him, keeped calm and tried to help her.
Joseph, all in shock too, came to her and apologized to her and Pata. Nobody noticed Peter, who walked around with avengful look in face.
When Becca finally calmed a bit, wanted to go to Heath, but when she stood at her left foot, drove through her sharping pain as lighbolt and she fainted.
Pata startled, whats with her. "She jumped from high, when this happened... She could have something with foot." said Joseph with silent voice.
They both took her to hospital - the same where was Heath, right now in surgery. Doctor sent her to RTG and found, Becca has sprained ankle and needs to be in hospital.
Pata was glad, she's not so bad and holded her hand, when doctor repaired her ankle and fixed with gypsum.
She had big hurts, so doctor gave him medicine and she felt asleep.
Becca was careful girl and tried to help anybody. She always repaired all mistakes from Kai, who was still very shy, nervous and unsure. Peter still laughing to him and his behavior to him wasn't very humanity. Joseph, native Texan, was more friendly to Kai, because he was eldest and sane. He was almost the same old as X members, had robust figure and robust humour. Joseph worked like electric mechanic with Peter and made constructions for reflectors and cameras too.
Joseph tried to calm Peter still, because he did more problems, than utilities. Although he was bitched from Sugizo, which Peter destructed cable from electric violin, because Peter turned on at higher volts than should been.
Peter still watched Becca and tried to broke her will in denial. She didn't care about him, because he still bothered her with sexual innuendos and tried to touch her butt.
She has very patient with him, but every goblet once run over.
Once Yoshiki gave instruction to Becca, but Peter said, she can't have to do this. "Yoshiki said me that." shruggled with shoulders with freeze in voice. "But I said, you cannot do it!" turned his voice higher Peter. "I'm listening just my boss and this is Yoshiki, not you." said Becca, still in calm. "But I am at higher position than you."
"Who says that?" asked Becca, but Peter didn't reacted at her question. Oppositely, he turned his voice up and shouted at her, she can do listen him and when he said, she cannot do this, she has to listen. "Don't shout at me like that!" said Becca with warning voice. But it didn't work and Peter shouted at her more. "What do you think about you, you frigid bitch!" screamed at her loud and next things like that. "I said don't shout at me!" turned her volume up too. But Peter was pissed of and didn't stop.
Suddenly flied Yoshiki to the doors and shouted "What's going on here?!"
"Nothing. Just this one stupid bastard think, he's more than my boss." said Becca and explained him, what happened. Yoshiki was pissed off and he yelled Peter on three times. And warned him, he could got fire. Peter was coward too, and when Yoshiki shouted, he was silent, because when sometimes tried to be freecoolin at Yoshiki, Yoshiki was raving mad.
Becca let them solve this problem and left. She really needed to do Yoshiki's instructions, because it burned.
Yoshiki came soon, still angry, but not so much like before. "This shitted bastard!" muttered through clenched teeth. "He is" agreed Becca and told him about all, what Peter did. "Promise me, you'll always say me, when this one will be bother you, okay?"
Becca noded and Yoshiki did his legendary bigh teeth smile.
Two weeks later were X some concert, in outdoor space, and it was necessary to build construction. Becca went around and watched Joseph, how he works. Podium and next things were almost made, remained to do some adjustments. Here were even Peter and Kai, because worked at lights and electric. Becca called at Joseph and laughed. "Honey, could me bring screwdiver 16 and wrench? I forgot them down." pleasd Joseph suddenly. "So, if you're not afraid of highes." "No, I don't." laughed Becca and climbed up to Joseph with that things. She felt strange a bit, when construction jumped under her a bit. She climbed at one of horizontal traverse to ladder. Suddenly joint of traverses under her gritted and bolted felt down. Becca screamed, but not with dread from this, what happened to her. She holded very fixly at spaces with both hands and feet.
Heath wanted to look, where they'll play at night, but he was out of mind again, when he stayed at the podium. So he couldn't hear Becca's scream. "HEATH!!!"
Reflector bolted to traverse, where was Becca, felt down with second traverse and traverse felt right at Heath's chest and mashed him to the ground. Heath shouted a bit, but wasn't able to catch back. "HEATH!!!! NO!!!" screamed Becca hysterically and jumped down from inclided traverse. In her left ankle cropped, but she didn't care and ran to Heath. "Oh my god, Heath!!! ..." She wanted to call ambulance, but found out, her phone felt down from her pocket and broke. Fortunately, she noticed Sugizo. "SUGIZO!!! SUGIZO!!! COME ON!!! HURRY!!! HEATH!!!!" screamed Becca. Sugizo startled and ran itno them. He noticed, what's with Heath and called ambullance. Becca cried, holded Heath's hand and carried his face. "It's will be okay, Heath, you will be alright... Please, don't die..." tried to calm him, because he was scared and tried to breathe. But his ribs were broken and one from this pinned him lung. He could have a big hurts, but was very strong and still looked Becca, which still carried his hair and face. "It's okay, Becca." wheezed and squeezed his hand faintly.
Yoshiki noticed, that something happened and when he founout, what, though, he'll be mad at the while. "Heath! What's with him??? Heath!" Yoshiki started to cry and ran to his friend. Toshi and Pata ran soon after Yoshiki. Joseph, white as wall, climbed down and told them what happened. Yoshiki screamed at him, that Becca shouldn't what to do up and shaked with nerves and fear. Ambullance was hurry and after they took off traverse from Heath's chest, gave him infusion and fixed him to lougner.
Becca lifted up, still holded Heath's hand, and cried. "Hi~Su.." whispered when his fingers slipped out from her palm. Then she had nervous breakdown. Cried hysterically and told, she would kill him and if he die, she won't be alive too. Pata took her from the ground, where she kneeling and led her away. She shaked as aspen and was pale as Death and couldn't stop tears. Yoshiki was the same and wanted go to hospital right now. Toshi was shocked too, but he was able to drive a car, so he took Yoshiki and Sugizo and went to hospital.
Pata tried Becca to calm, but she couldn't stop shaking and crying. Pata holded her in her arms and carred her hair. He had tears in his eyes too, but when he saw, Becca is worse than him, keeped calm and tried to help her.
Joseph, all in shock too, came to her and apologized to her and Pata. Nobody noticed Peter, who walked around with avengful look in face.
When Becca finally calmed a bit, wanted to go to Heath, but when she stood at her left foot, drove through her sharping pain as lighbolt and she fainted.
Pata startled, whats with her. "She jumped from high, when this happened... She could have something with foot." said Joseph with silent voice.
They both took her to hospital - the same where was Heath, right now in surgery. Doctor sent her to RTG and found, Becca has sprained ankle and needs to be in hospital.
Pata was glad, she's not so bad and holded her hand, when doctor repaired her ankle and fixed with gypsum.
She had big hurts, so doctor gave him medicine and she felt asleep.
Faith
My fanfiction about X-japan lol XD
Becca was very lucky woman at her twenty-six, because she catched very good job in Yoshiki studio. Becca was fan of X-Japan, Yoshiki and all about them, so she was very happy.
Yoshiki was very kind and patient with her, because she was first three months very nervous from everything new. But she was very strong, so she was soon like fish in watter in all.
She took care about decorations and design and made a plans for cleaners. Because Becca was very clever and intelligent girl, everybody liked her, because they could talk with her about things. And so, she was very pretty and everybody told her "Our Muse"
Even Yoshiki liked her and said, she can make a best coffee and cookies on the world. "Universe." said Sugizo and grabbed next piece of cookie. "I made it with love." blushed Becca. "So, eat eat, you're very thin, guys. Especially you, Sugizo." showed on gutarist and violinist with finger. "Finger dooes not show..." muttered Sugizo with full mouth. "Don't speak with full mouth." returned to him Becca and said, she had to check toilets. "Poor girl, checking toilets." his nose Sugizo. "It's her work..." said Yoshiki. "She's too pretty for job like this." disagreed Sugizo and ate next cookie. "Yummy. She's really good baker. And using just BIO products!" "Nonono." calmed his Yoshiki. "You felt in love with her or what?" "Just to her cookies." muttered Sugizo with full mouth again. "And so, she has really pretty face. And this her healthy womanly lingeries! She could be a model!"
"Has Sugizo burned calves?" asked Pata, which came to kitchen. "A second sap?"
"No, Sugizo just found his new cooky." grimassed Sugizo, took his fiddle case and leaved them. Pata laughed. Yoshiki looked at him with look "are-you-crazy?". "Don't be afraid, Sugizo is not this, who catched second sap and felt in love with our Muse." calmed him Pata. "And who?" interrested Yoshiki, but in this same moment came Heath with Toshi and Pata shutted up, but looked at Heath with sly smile. Yoshiki made facepalm. "Everybody turned crazy..." he wailed. He rather took his mug with coffee and gone to his office. Heath was out of mind, so he didn't hear a word. But Toshi yes and had the same sly smile as Pata. But, Toshi still has sly smile at his face, so it wasn't very showy.
Becca, girl from middle Europe, with real slavic body lingeries was dream almost all men in X-Japan staffs. Girls didn't like her so much, because they had idols between boys and Becca distracted them from bones of other girls.
She wasn't fat, but not thin too. She has bigger breists and butt and narrow waist, so her figure remembered hourglasses or guitar.
Every from this boys, who wanted her, had tastes to slap on the rump, but when once, one of them did it, got slapped and had red palm on his face all day.
She very often told about herself, she's properly slavic woman, "from the ground", as would say her grandmother.
They didn't took her seriously first, but when she slapped this brash boy, weren't too brave cross her way.
Once Yoshiki accepted new staffs. It was Itako Kaishi called Kai, Peter Brandt and Joseph Moshier. Kai was very shy young boy, but Peter and Joseph weren't. But thy were different, of course. They are all technics and made ilumination and constructions blabla.
Sugizo, which wanted Becca push higher, learned her play guitar and when he found out, she was flutist one time, donated her flute and pleasd her, to dust off her tallent.
She agreed and took practice with him. They both appeared together very often and Yoshiki had wired hair from this, until they didn't present him their coverversion of La Venus on flute and violin together. Yoshiki cried a bit and sometimes his fingers pushed piano keys with that melody.
Becca's fluting replaced Toshi's voice and Sugizo made accompaniment of his violin.
Yoshiki was touched and said, he's surprised with Becca's tallent. Becca blushed. "It's not so masterpiece..." said shyly.
"It was great!" said Yoshiki with his big teeth smile. Then they both went to salateria. XD
When this our saint threesomecame back, Becca met Peter Brandt. He whistled when he saw her, but she's laughed right now, because Yoshiki told something funny.
Yoshiki holded her around shoulders and Sugizo walked beside her from second side, as they would be her bodyguards. Peter Brandt grimased with dismisse and dissapeared, but one day he met her without X members.
Peter was not too favourite between mechanics and other staffs, and who could, ignored him.
He thought, he knows all best and when Yoshiki gave some instructions, Peter said them, they have to do anything else. Yoshiki was too busy, so he didn't notice, unfortunately, what Peter does. But Becca noticed and just waited, when Yoshiki will have a few free time for her.
Next thing was, that Peter wanted Becca. Once he said her, that they would be friends-with-benefits. But Becca laughed. "Why?" asked. "I like you." said Peter simply. "Hahaha... NO." said Becca, shaked with head and leaved him.
Of course, he was pissed off, because he though, he could have all girl which show with finger at her.
But Becca didn't care about some relationship and frienswithbenefitionship and next "ships". She though, she could be matchmaker, because her close friend, Saab, loved Heath. She couldn't know, that Heath looks for her.
Yoshiki allowed Becca, she can take Saab with herself, when they had a tour. X were very friendly with both women, but Heath just smiled and little blushed, when Becca or Saab looked at him. Especially Becca. Saab noticed, but she wasn't jealous. But couldn't understand, why Becca don't see it. Once, when they all sat in some room, drunk Becca lemonade from glass, but with straw and played with it with her tongue. Saab sat beside her and laughingly watched Heath, which tried to burn Becca with eyes and crossed his neverending legs, when saw Becca plays with straw.
"What's up?" turned Becca her head at Saab, when she spat with laugh. Saab wanted to answer, but didn't say word. Heath blushed and looked down at his knees.
Becca was very lucky woman at her twenty-six, because she catched very good job in Yoshiki studio. Becca was fan of X-Japan, Yoshiki and all about them, so she was very happy.
Yoshiki was very kind and patient with her, because she was first three months very nervous from everything new. But she was very strong, so she was soon like fish in watter in all.
She took care about decorations and design and made a plans for cleaners. Because Becca was very clever and intelligent girl, everybody liked her, because they could talk with her about things. And so, she was very pretty and everybody told her "Our Muse"
Even Yoshiki liked her and said, she can make a best coffee and cookies on the world. "Universe." said Sugizo and grabbed next piece of cookie. "I made it with love." blushed Becca. "So, eat eat, you're very thin, guys. Especially you, Sugizo." showed on gutarist and violinist with finger. "Finger dooes not show..." muttered Sugizo with full mouth. "Don't speak with full mouth." returned to him Becca and said, she had to check toilets. "Poor girl, checking toilets." his nose Sugizo. "It's her work..." said Yoshiki. "She's too pretty for job like this." disagreed Sugizo and ate next cookie. "Yummy. She's really good baker. And using just BIO products!" "Nonono." calmed his Yoshiki. "You felt in love with her or what?" "Just to her cookies." muttered Sugizo with full mouth again. "And so, she has really pretty face. And this her healthy womanly lingeries! She could be a model!"
"Has Sugizo burned calves?" asked Pata, which came to kitchen. "A second sap?"
"No, Sugizo just found his new cooky." grimassed Sugizo, took his fiddle case and leaved them. Pata laughed. Yoshiki looked at him with look "are-you-crazy?". "Don't be afraid, Sugizo is not this, who catched second sap and felt in love with our Muse." calmed him Pata. "And who?" interrested Yoshiki, but in this same moment came Heath with Toshi and Pata shutted up, but looked at Heath with sly smile. Yoshiki made facepalm. "Everybody turned crazy..." he wailed. He rather took his mug with coffee and gone to his office. Heath was out of mind, so he didn't hear a word. But Toshi yes and had the same sly smile as Pata. But, Toshi still has sly smile at his face, so it wasn't very showy.
Becca, girl from middle Europe, with real slavic body lingeries was dream almost all men in X-Japan staffs. Girls didn't like her so much, because they had idols between boys and Becca distracted them from bones of other girls.
She wasn't fat, but not thin too. She has bigger breists and butt and narrow waist, so her figure remembered hourglasses or guitar.
Every from this boys, who wanted her, had tastes to slap on the rump, but when once, one of them did it, got slapped and had red palm on his face all day.
She very often told about herself, she's properly slavic woman, "from the ground", as would say her grandmother.
They didn't took her seriously first, but when she slapped this brash boy, weren't too brave cross her way.
Once Yoshiki accepted new staffs. It was Itako Kaishi called Kai, Peter Brandt and Joseph Moshier. Kai was very shy young boy, but Peter and Joseph weren't. But thy were different, of course. They are all technics and made ilumination and constructions blabla.
Sugizo, which wanted Becca push higher, learned her play guitar and when he found out, she was flutist one time, donated her flute and pleasd her, to dust off her tallent.
She agreed and took practice with him. They both appeared together very often and Yoshiki had wired hair from this, until they didn't present him their coverversion of La Venus on flute and violin together. Yoshiki cried a bit and sometimes his fingers pushed piano keys with that melody.
Becca's fluting replaced Toshi's voice and Sugizo made accompaniment of his violin.
Yoshiki was touched and said, he's surprised with Becca's tallent. Becca blushed. "It's not so masterpiece..." said shyly.
"It was great!" said Yoshiki with his big teeth smile. Then they both went to salateria. XD
When this our saint threesomecame back, Becca met Peter Brandt. He whistled when he saw her, but she's laughed right now, because Yoshiki told something funny.
Yoshiki holded her around shoulders and Sugizo walked beside her from second side, as they would be her bodyguards. Peter Brandt grimased with dismisse and dissapeared, but one day he met her without X members.
Peter was not too favourite between mechanics and other staffs, and who could, ignored him.
He thought, he knows all best and when Yoshiki gave some instructions, Peter said them, they have to do anything else. Yoshiki was too busy, so he didn't notice, unfortunately, what Peter does. But Becca noticed and just waited, when Yoshiki will have a few free time for her.
Next thing was, that Peter wanted Becca. Once he said her, that they would be friends-with-benefits. But Becca laughed. "Why?" asked. "I like you." said Peter simply. "Hahaha... NO." said Becca, shaked with head and leaved him.
Of course, he was pissed off, because he though, he could have all girl which show with finger at her.
But Becca didn't care about some relationship and frienswithbenefitionship and next "ships". She though, she could be matchmaker, because her close friend, Saab, loved Heath. She couldn't know, that Heath looks for her.
Yoshiki allowed Becca, she can take Saab with herself, when they had a tour. X were very friendly with both women, but Heath just smiled and little blushed, when Becca or Saab looked at him. Especially Becca. Saab noticed, but she wasn't jealous. But couldn't understand, why Becca don't see it. Once, when they all sat in some room, drunk Becca lemonade from glass, but with straw and played with it with her tongue. Saab sat beside her and laughingly watched Heath, which tried to burn Becca with eyes and crossed his neverending legs, when saw Becca plays with straw.
"What's up?" turned Becca her head at Saab, when she spat with laugh. Saab wanted to answer, but didn't say word. Heath blushed and looked down at his knees.
21/03/2017
Hello friends
Hello, friends, I'm back again. I wasn't able to write something here, because my head was empty.
I still trying to prepare article about my life with borderline personal disorder, but I do'nt know how I can start this. It's very difficult write in another language, but I want to write for more people.
One thing in head I have is: Bassguitarist from X-japan, Heath. Because he's the sexiest bassist I ever seen. Still inventing some stories and feed with them my friend, which infected me with HISU virus 😂 (Heath is in Japan written as "Hi~Su")
So IDK when I'd be able to write some serious article, lol.
In my country is now 30 minutes after midnight, so I think I will go to bed. But first I have to clean my place, lol...
So, I hope, I will write my more serious articles next time.
See you soon!
Eirun De Virot
I still trying to prepare article about my life with borderline personal disorder, but I do'nt know how I can start this. It's very difficult write in another language, but I want to write for more people.
One thing in head I have is: Bassguitarist from X-japan, Heath. Because he's the sexiest bassist I ever seen. Still inventing some stories and feed with them my friend, which infected me with HISU virus 😂 (Heath is in Japan written as "Hi~Su")
So IDK when I'd be able to write some serious article, lol.
In my country is now 30 minutes after midnight, so I think I will go to bed. But first I have to clean my place, lol...
So, I hope, I will write my more serious articles next time.
See you soon!
Eirun De Virot
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