I was too shalow to him. But it was too many years ago. Now my heart burning just for him. I can't say why. Maybe because he looks like cat and I adore cats very much. xD
But... does Love need a reason?
I knew X-Japan rock band, when I was nineteen. I was person, who was able listen just one band. It starts with German band Cinema Bizarre. And Versailles poster, lol. After Versailles era I had, I started listen X-Japan and KISS. This two bands were LIFE for my hurted heart. But I really had era, when I couldn't X-Japan even see. The last era was last year. After break up with my then boyfriend, catched me another guy and we listened just melodic black metal. I was very unsure and my psyche was broken. So, he broked me all the time...
In June 2016 I came back to X-japan. I don't know why. So, I founded news about them and when I found out, that PATA was in life threat in March 2016... I though I will crazy. It was too from one reason, which I don't wanna to say here. And I am still afraid of him and my only one wish is to protect him. Maybe is well, I found it out after half year from time it happened, because last March I'd be able to commit suicide; I had very, very dark time... Although... I am still ready to die for him. I love my life, I am grateful I can be here and listen his guitar 💖 ... But if it will be in need, I'll die. My life is his life. And if he will die, I will die too. I don't want to be alive without his existencion in this place. X-Japan never will be X-Japan without PATA....
And other reason why I love him is just "father complex" ... I had very bad relation with my father. He was alcoholic, psychical terrorist... and did very untastable thing to my elder sister when she was little child... It's well, he gone... For this Earth...
PATA looks like him a bit, but PATA is STILL more pretty and cute!!! And I think.. He is very kind and calmful. He looks like that. And although he could be my father by age... I love him. I'm burning from and for him. I flied to Wembley just for PATA. Ok, even for Heath and Toshi a bit... But PATA was the bigger reason. I looked at him all concert, if he is alright.
And finally... I don't know if it wasn't just fortuity... but when concert ended and Pata walked away from podium, i screamed as loud as I could "PATA!!!" and he turned again and wawed that way...
So... It's reasons why I love him, but thats are just ... lookeble reasons. Otherwise I really don't know, WHY JUST HE.
I love, very love song "So Far" from him... Tones of strings he made with his fingers at his guitar... Shaking with my heart from first time I heard it... Yes, you are SO FAR... But I love you. Forever.
If someone in borderline personal disorders is able to loving someone forever....
I love you, PATA.
Eirun De Virot
