Like SGZ

I just ended watching Titanic. I just saw @SUGIZOofficial post about his helping.

14 days ago I tried to commit suicide. I do not regret that, I am telling this, because I understood lot of things after that.

Until I saw myself in dark place, something important happened. I was born again. I gave birth to myself.
I was so powerless, like children. Before somebody ask me, what kind of suicide I did; I swallowed my psychiatric medicine pills.

I was on ICU for two days, on psychiatric hospital about 14 days +-
I had good and bad moments. But suddenly I felt strong.

I am one day at home. Unfortunately, I'm wasting my time before computer again. But not for long.
I promised to myself, I won't play games anymore and it really starting to bore me.

I don't want to waste my time with computer anymore. I don't want to feel bad all the time and commit suicides when bad. I don't want to live between life and hell of my own mind. I don't want to be ruin, poor thing who is almost each month in psychiatric hospital between druggers, alcoholics, schizophrenic, manic people.
I wanna live my own life, without depressions, bad energies, without tears I can't cry out. Without pills with artifical serotonin hormon.

In hospital, I had a lot of "fans". I was so surprised how they liked me. (out of one bittered woman).
One of them gave me hope to do what I like.

And when I saw Titanic (maybe 6th time), especially that breathtaking end - and I don't really mean this "romantic love" between Jack and Rose - I think, I understood Life and how rare it is and how easy is to loose life.

Then I accidentally opened my twitter account and Sugizo's post hitted me to my eyes like first. He is famous, known, but he took working clothes and went between usual people to help with cleaning flooded places. By his bare hands. Yoshiki donated this place by 10, 000, 000 YEN. It's JUST 87 000 USD. 1 966 000 CZK. What a precious gift from that famous man!

In my country is seweral 2M CZK like nothing. You can buy little renovated flat with most necessarry equipment. You can buy new kitchen, set of furniture. I doubt in Japan is 10 000 000 YEN something better. What they can buy? How long it suffices?

My opinion is that Sugizo's personal help is more useful, than Yoshiki's riddiculous amount.

Yoshiki said "nothing is impossible" and I believe this sentence. But I don't believe Yoshiki at all. He broke all he made. X Japan faded away long time ago. Each member has own life and carreer. X Japan became to be just masquerade for blinded fans. It's sad new, but not unwaited and surprising thing...

But leave my "hater" (dissapointed more) talks about Yoshiki.

Thanks to this all happened, I understood one big thing.

Life is just presence.
Life is yours.
Life doesn't mean donate by money, but go and help by self.
And don't be sure you are not able.
You are strong enough to save yourself.
You are strong enough to help anyone, starting with yourself, ending with thousnad people around you.
Help yourself and heal your life with love.
And be thankfull for all you have.

Thank my roommates in hospital.
Thank you, Titanic.

Thank you, Sugizo.


EDV

I'm sorry for being unclear.

Against All Odds - part I.

Story for my foxie. 💕


Hide's shoulders were always to bite. Meer couldn't stop to watch him, when he sat in dress room and tuned up his guitar. His fast fingers caressed strings and his red-pink backcombed hair flied gently to rythm.
Meer just wished to touch them, his fingers, his cute shoulders, hold his hands. Always, when he looked at her, and their eyes met, she felt like she would fall into abyss of Space.
She desired for litle more attention, but Hide was just polite and friendly to her.
Meer was melted every time when she heard his sweet voice and her heart beated stronger. He used nice, spiced parfum and when she smelt that mix of it and his own smell and air and together with smoke of cigarettes, she felt weak.

Unfortunately, she was staff of Yoshiki, leader of band and she met Hide sporadic. What was wrong, that Yoshiki "sat down" right on Meer. She did everything bad. He could rip to find any mistake on her work. Pata, Toshi and Heath, handsome young newbie on bass, tried to calm him, but it hadn't sense.
Meer would go away, but she didn't want to leave and never see Hide. "So, why you just don't ask him to go somewhere?" asked Meer Sofia, one of Hide's (lucky) staff. "He's nice person, he won't deny you."
Meer blushed, when she heard Sofia's words. She wanted to answer, but suddenly, from somewhere, appeard Pata and touched Sofia's arms from behind. She startled and teared with shoulder. "You're true, Hide won't deny her, like you denying me..." muttered to Sofia's ear.

"Eeeh, leave me alone, drunkard..." Sofia moved with hand and pulled Pata from herself, without any look. She felt his chest hair under her palm and little sweated, but soft skin and it made her feeling hot, but she just shooked her head to focus back to theme.
Pata only frowned dissapointed and dissapeared. "You likes him." said Meer silently. "Who, Pata?" laughed Sofia shortly. "No..." smirked like disgusted. "He stalks you all the time." noticed Meer. "He's drunk head... Look how much whiskey he drink every day. And how much he smokes." Sofia let Meer to go away from hot theme named Hide.
But just for a while.

"So, leave Pata be Pata... Eh, what did I say? Yes, Hide. He won't deny you if you ask him if he wouldn't go with you anywhere." Meer had bad luck. Sofia came back to convincing her about Hide's nice personality. "Look I know him. I am in contact with him almost every day - when I am not trying to hide me before Pata's pry eyes and fingers - and I can sure you, that Hide is really nice boy!"
Meer felt how her cheeks burning, and decided to use Karma to Sofia. "Why you ran from Pata, actually? He's handsome." smiled she slyly. "Ew, must we really talk about that hairy chubby drunkard?" Sofia smirked really disgusted. "But you like him, admit it. I noticed how you watching him until he won't go near to you." Meer acquired her stability again.

She liked Sofia, she always looked nice and decently, womanly clothed. Meer wasn't surprise, that Pata is mad from her. He lost his head for Sofia from first time when he saw her. First he tried to hide it, but when he was drunk, each barriers fell off and he was like crazy.
Everybody made jokes from him, but still supported him either.

"Look, here's Sofia going." muttered at half mouth Heath, standing beside Pata. Pata looked tired and asleep, but when he heard Heath's silky voice and name 'Sofia', he just woke up.
"Hm, she's with that busty girl who likes Hide." added Heath. "So good looking girl."
"She's staff in Yoshiki's team." muttered Pata with sleepy voice. "I know. How she calls? Maira? Myra?"
"Meer." growled him into ear Hide, which appeard from nowhere, twas his speciality.

"Oh, you remember well her name?" Heath was surprised and looked at his redhaired friend and colleague. "It's not so difficult..." muttered Hide and burned cigarette himself.
Heath shrugged with shoulders. "I am not in love with her, so I can don't remember her name well." said calmly.
"Shut up, Hiroshi." Hide smirked and blew smoke out and looked at these two girls Heat told about.

"She's real woman." muttered, when he watched Meer's body. "Look at her beautiful hair." whispered. "Yes, she's pretty." sighed Heath and took cigarette too. Rather. "Where's Pata?"
Heath looked around, but he didn't see him anywhere. "Talking with Sofia..." said Hide negligently. "Ah, poor Pata. He is mad after her and she does cold." shooked with head and then he leaved Heath and went slowly to Meer, which stood helpless, when Pata just grabbed Sofia's hand with words "we have to talk!" and pulled her away uncompromisingly.